SitaraHaye.com » [BREW] Loss Of Control

brew-purple Witchvox has been posting a number of articles recently on Pagan Community — or the lack thereof. As a self-professed student of human relations — in other words, I watch people interact — I often find that one of the main limitations in getting people to come together (such as forming Communities) has to do with the great bugaboo of the question: Who’s In Charge?

Not everyone wants to lead. No one with any sense at all wants to lead all the time (which techically means, I have no sense since I do lead a coven… but then, the members of our Tradition will be glad to tell you how non-sensical I can be).

Of all the major issues that arise when someone says they will be the leader, the biggest and most multi-headed, acid-spitting, foul-tempered beastie of them all has to do with loss of control. Is it simply because we are so individualistic? Is there not enough trust present?

I think it comes down to understanding the difference between serving a Purpose and serving a Person. A true leader is the one who is hardly known because he or she keeps the focus on the purpose and the work being done and not on the Leader. When you’re following a true leader, you see only their back, which looks pretty much like everyone else’s back.

Even if someone else is in charge, loss of control is an utter illusion. Which also means that a leader’s control is an utter illusion. Which means, we fight over nothing and still no work gets done.

Ok, folks… we’ve only been round this bloody rock 937 times and it looks the same EVERY. DAMN. TIME. Can we please try something else?

Categories: Author's Blog, Daily Brew-HaHa!

18 Comments

Millie Fee | Reply

Sunday, 30th August 2009 at 8:29 AM

I’m game!

Thomas Light Stepper | Reply

Sunday, 30th August 2009 at 8:14 PM

Raises hand …Count Me in

Avren | Reply

Sunday, 30th August 2009 at 10:40 PM

Good point Sitara. I think some folks are born leaders. They usually work harder than everyone else, yet they inspire others to follow their lead. Rather than someone who might not have the touch working their arse off and everyone sits back and watches. hmmm.

Alii (aliisilverwing.blogspot.com) | Reply

Monday, 31st August 2009 at 12:11 PM

“You can’t push a rope” + “I know them and they follow me.”

I think those are the two most fundamental things about being a leader. There has to be trust that even if there are a few wrong turns, that the leader will get you there eventually. If something goes to shit, they can handle it, but things don’t go to shit because every non-leader owns part of the endeavor and is right in there making things happen.

A leader is the one with the love and understanding that makes cats form a marching band out of their own volition and when someone who is truly a leader expects something from you, you get it done because their expectations are somehow the only reality that counts.

Myrna | Reply

Monday, 31st August 2009 at 1:15 PM

You hit the nail on the head when you said, “it comes down to understanding the difference between serving a Purpose and serving a Person. Unfortunately due to the community coming from several different points of view, we all have our agenda and we want our needs served first. If we cannot decide on the Purpose of our community, we certainly cannot choose someone to lead or a Leader cannot shine without a purpose. Why follow someone that is not heading in the direction we want to go? Historically, all great leaders served a specific purpose / cause. In the meantime, we will continue to mill around aimlessly.

Sitara Haye (sitarahaye.com) | Reply

Monday, 31st August 2009 at 9:52 PM

Part of the difficulty is that the modern Pagan movement is so individualized and eclectic that everyone is used to doing their own thing their own way and getting things done in just the way they like it. That works fine for personal things, but when you want to accomplish something with more bodies (something bigger), you have to have some cohesion to get things moving. This does seem to be part of the problem. If, by chance, you can decide on what you want to do, then the next argument becomes how to do it. It’s easy to decide how to do it if you, again, have a goal: shall we accomplish this efficiently, or with flair, or as creatively as possible, or streamlined? This can take a leader to get that argument on task and keep the plans moving along that line. Some leaders do naturally emerge depending on the goal being set. At other times, though, people jockey for the leadership role because they’re hooked on their IDEA more than anything else and want to see the project go forward in a “JUST SO” kind of way. From there, it can get really muddy really fast because too much ego and personal expectation is at stake.

Heartsong (heartsongshymnal.blogspot.com) | Reply

Monday, 31st August 2009 at 5:26 PM

“…the loss of control is an utter illusion…”

You and I had a conversation recently about the concept of personal power. You just nailed it. Loss of control IS an illusion. We are always in control of our actions. Even if faced with “do or die” we still have a choice to do or not. The actions of others can influence our choices, but they can’t *make* us do anything. And when we blame our actions on circumstances or people, we willingly give up our control. We become victims instead of taking the reins and doing what we can to affect the outcome.

Once we know that…truly accept it and believe it…following a leader to accomplish a task really is an easy thing to do. There is no perceived threat of loss of personal power because we know that power can’t really be lost.

Owning our power makes us free, and only when we are truly free can we serve…and follow…effectively. The best communities are made up of free people willingly sacrificing a small amount of freedom for greater good.

Can we get there? I hope so. Do we give as much emphasis in our magickal training to the development of our own empowerment as we give to other areas? Or maybe we won’t get there until we all evolve a little more as a race. I certainly haven’t mastered it yet…but I’m working on it. The truth shall, indeed, set you free.

Sitara Haye (sitarahaye.com) | Reply

Monday, 31st August 2009 at 10:08 PM

That certainly puts a number of people’s actions that have puzzled me in perspective. As you said, there’s nothing to fear if you’ve mastered your own sense of power. I’m sure we’re all works-in-progress. Begin with the understanding that you are in no way in control and arrive at the understanding that no one is more in control than you. In the hanging space between these two swinging bars of idealogy, there is freedom of spiritual flight, similar to the weightless moment that an acrobat soars from one trapeze to the next — in control, yet not, and thus, a thing of awe to those still on the ground gasping in wonder and delight.
- Millie Fee | Reply
  
  Monday, 31st August 2009 at 10:39 PM
  
  It’s at that point that you have found perfect peace and perfect trust. When you release the illusion that you can control things that you are not meant to, and accept that it’s going to be all right, you release the hold on the bar.
  - Sitara Haye (sitarahaye.com) | Reply
    
    Monday, 31st August 2009 at 11:47 PM
    
    I’d say that’s a very good way of putting it. Still, getting over having a death grip on the bar is a trick and the one that should be applauded! After all, the audience takes a trapeze artist pretty well until they let go — then the gasps start flying. We know what scares us.
    - Millie Fee |
      
      Tuesday, 1st September 2009 at 7:15 AM
      
      Why should the lesson be only for those on the ground? I know how hard it is to let go of those bars! I don’t like heights LOL. But once you start to understand that the bar which once helped you must now be let go for growth then you start to spread your wings and truly soar.