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[BREW-HAHA] Body Of A Goddess

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All content (c) Sitara Haye, 2008-2009.
All rights reserved.
 

[BREW-HAHA] Body Of A Goddess

August/27/2009

brew-purpleI was reading the CNN website last night and found this article about this month’s issue of Glamour magazine in which a plus-sized model poses nude for the camera.  Of course, plus-sized is now considered 12 and 1/2 which infuriates me… my bone structure pretty much guarantees I will forever be plus-sized no matter how healthy and fit I actually become.  But that’s not the point I’m trying to make here.

The media and the social idea of what is desirable is disgustingly out of hand.  I personally don’t have the time to spend hours in the gym and do everything else I have to do in a given day.  I can exercise and get healthy, and you know what?  At the end of my ultimate efforts, the media and social expectations will be there telling me it’s still not good enough.  I’ve gone out on dates with men who have inflated ideas of what a woman should look like and who were quite impolite in telling me that my less-than-perfect body size was more important to them than my intelligence, social charm, wit, talent, and good character.  What’s worse, women buy into this and spend millions, billions on diet products, hours in the gym and day spas, stressing over their looks, consuming more and more goods, all for the purpose of landing a man and feeling desirable and meeting a social standard.

Have we liberated the Goddess?  Yes, we have more sexual freedom to express ourselves and to wear what we like, but be overweight and try to be sexual or wear something that reveals a body less than centerfold.  Even worse, the type of body idealized isn’t normal for a woman over 30 or a woman who has had children.  So now, not only must the Goddess be a size 2 — she mustn’t age, she must prove her body unaltered by childbirth.  I’ve heard Pagan women say they won’t breastfeed because it will “ruin their breasts”.  Somehow, I don’t think we’ve liberated the Goddess much at all… we’ve just shoved Her in an even more narrow box.  It’s a token illusion of freedom, isn’t it?  Look, we’ll celebrate Woman but only if She serves the purpose we desire in the way we desire.

In closing, kudos to Lizzi Miller for baring all and getting this whole “perfect body” bullshit back in line a little bit.

Categories: Author's Blog, Daily Brew-HaHa!

33 Comments

  • The L | Reply

    Thursday, 27th August 2009 at 9:17 AM
     

    That’s why my conception of the “perfect body” has always been, simply, a healthy one. Whatever size or shape it may be.

    I’ve seen people gorge themselves on junk until you could roll them across the floor, and I’ve seen girls starve themselves until they look like they just escaped from Auschwitz. Neither is healthy, neither is beautiful. We need to care about the condition of our bodies, so that we can more easily do the things we need to do in life, but at the same time, we shouldn’t let the quest to look “perfect” blind us to our own natural beauty.

    I am a healthy weight, yet I am also pear-shaped and have difficulty finding pants that fit. I eat healthy, I get plenty of exercise, but I can’t change my hips without starving myself or getting surgery–my body type is mostly genetic, after all. And you know what? It only bothers me during one particular activity–clothes shopping. Because most clothing is made to imply that if you have curves down below something is wrong with you.

     

  • Tia | Reply

    Thursday, 27th August 2009 at 9:47 AM
     

    Even when I was severely underweight due to an eating disorder, I was still a size 7. That tells me that I seriously am very big boned. Yes, now thanks to a pregnancy that nearly killed me, and left me with a sudden and extreme weight gain, and nerve damage in my spine. I have a lot of weight on me, and it is extremely painful to exercise. And you know what? I have never felt more beautiful.

    These absurd standards are great for people who can actually meet them, but the majority of women won’t, despite their obsessive “weight loss strategies”.

    This is why I’m very in love with the fat acceptance movement. Joy Nash (YouTube) is who really opened my eyes to seeing I wasn’t the only one wondering why I was being told to be ashamed of my body.

     

  • EileenDalla | Reply

    Thursday, 27th August 2009 at 9:52 AM
     

    When I hear a young woman say “I won’t breast feed my baby because it will ruin the shape of my breasts”, it really pisses me off. Why do they think those breasts were given to them? That is one of the most selfish statements a woman can make.
    The sole purpose of our breasts is to nourish and nurture our children, not as a play thing for some man or to make our clothes fit better.
    The milk of our bodies, gives our children the very best start in life we can offer. The act of holding our babies and letting them nurse builds a bond that no one can understand unless they have experienced it themselves.
    I understand that in this day and age, breast feeding isn’t as easy as it was when I was raising my children, momma’s have to hold down full time jobs now to help support their families, but if it’s at all possible, please mother’s, give your babies that extra chance in life, you’ll never regret it. When you look down into your child’s face as she lay suckling in your arms, and she opens her eyes to meet yours with a smile, the world is as perfect as it will ever be. It is a gift of pure love and joy given us by the Goddess, don’t cheat yourself out of the experience for the simple sake of vanity.

     

    • Sitara Haye (sitarahaye.com) | Reply

      Friday, 28th August 2009 at 12:34 AM
       

      Yeah, it makes me pretty sick, too. I nursed my daughter until she was nearly two years old. When I look at myself in the mirror, my breasts aren’t as shapely as the media says they should be. They aren’t the picture perfect form that men glorify. It’s sad that the only breasts men seem to want are those that prove the woman has never been touched by another man (ie, had a baby by a man). Gone is the respect or admiration for our fertility — now, men want women who will cut off their cyclical flow for months will birth control pills so that a woman’s sexuality becomes only a tool of pleasure and not productivity. I’m not saying birth control is bad. But it bothers me that when a women does the most miraculous thing any human body can do, we are now lowered to “used up” status, no longer seen as beauty-full because our breasts hang lower or our skin shows the marks of being stretched with burgeoning life.

      No, women are not liberated sexually… we are free to be sexual, but the purpose we serve is still a selfish one, and the fruits of our sexuality are an albatross around our necks.

       

  • Catherine | Reply

    Thursday, 27th August 2009 at 10:00 AM
     

    Funny, I was just thinking about this issue the other night. I was actually thinking about my wardrobe… I’m 41, 5 ft 3 inches and 155 pounds. That’s about a size 14. I’m not ready to dress like a grandma. But, the fun clothes are all either too small or too big for me. Even the trendy plus size clothes are made for women allot taller than me, so I wind up having to do all sorts of alterations. Luckily I can sew, but who has time for that? The message seems to be if you’re short and in between, then you have no excuses. You should lose weight to fit the ideal. Not even the plus size designers are going to accommodate you.

    I’ve talked about the beauty industry before. This idea that women should never age is exactly why I left the beauty industry in the first place. I’ve seen too many women breaking the bank trying to hold off wrinkles, shooting their faces full of poison trying to live up to that standard, and torturing themselves with cosmetic surgery to achieve someone else’s idea of what beauty is. I see nothing wrong with taking care of your skin, but come on, it’s gone a little too far.

    The best part of it is, I don’t think women do it as much for men, as we do it for other women! We are taught from birth to be super critical of each other, not to trust each other, and to judge each other by the way we look. I’ve gotten more really nasty comments and looks from other women than I ever have from men.

    We need to teach our sons that a woman’s value isn’t determined by size and appearance, but I think that as we teach our daughters to respect themselves and each other, things will really begin to change.

    Also, this is becoming an issue for men too. Have you noticed that adds for young men’s products are featuring “20 somethings” who look like junkies? My 25 year old son was having some body image issues a few months ago and said he wanted to go on a diet! He isn’t even a little bit overweight! But, he feels the pressure too.

    It’s all very disturbing.

     

    • Sitara Haye (sitarahaye.com) | Reply

      Friday, 28th August 2009 at 12:29 AM
       

      OMG, you are so right about us doing it for other women! You know, I laughed the other day watching a bright red cardinal flitting around and I realized: Usually it’s the MALE of the species that goes through the contortions to land a mate. I remember a time when I lost a LOT of weight and was looking damn hot (if I do say so myself). What happened? I lost ALL of my female friends. I was no longer good for their egos. I was now competition, making them look bad. It broke my heart, and I spiraled into depression and undid all the hard work I’d done. And guess what? When that happened, they all wanted to be friends again.

      Women need to remember what Sisterhood means. This competitive junk has got to go.

       

  • Skyhawk | Reply

    Thursday, 27th August 2009 at 10:14 AM
     

    I’m eighteen, 5″11 and 170 pounds. I’m plagued by a seriously negative body image for a variety of reasons. It isn’t just the media stereotype, but its seeing my friends, who are all super thin, complaining that they are “fat”. Its so disturbing. Its also the few-and-far-between group of guys who have denied me because I’m “too fat” or “too ugly”. I’m not fat, I know I’m not, but I know I could stand to lose ten/fifteen pounds. To be honest, it hurts a lot — I try to dress for my body type and I feel I do it well, but sometimes its just hard.

    Dieting is also hard for me because, well, I like to eat. And I think that’s the problem for a lot of women. If I cut cola out of my diet, I would lose a LOT of weight (I’ve done this before). But I have such a hard time doing it, because I LIKE it.

    What the real issue here is teaching people to accept themselves and others for who they are. Its great if you want to lose some weight, get healthier, and get in shape – I know I sure do. But at the same time, people have to realize that they are built the way they are and they cannot change that. No amount of plastic surgery can alter a thicker bone structure, thick shoulders (which I sort of have from being a competitive swimmer as a kid) or just a naturally round figure. We all need to look to the Goddess for guidance in these times, I think, so we can learn to tolerate our own bodies and form there tolerate each other.

    Its a seriously intolerant world out there. But we’ve got to stand up and make it known what is right and what is wrong.

     

    • Sitara Haye (sitarahaye.com) | Reply

      Friday, 28th August 2009 at 12:26 AM
       

      It really is insane, isn’t it? You’re not even “fat” by any standard I’d come close to naming. I think that us standing strong against the negativity and sticking up for each other is important. Seeing those “skinny” girls with compassion as they parrot the “I’m so fat” mantra, realizing that they must lie to themselves and others just to get positive attention, that they have that little respect for themselves… we can have sympathy for that. Poor things… I wonder what other fairy tales they tell themselves?

       

    • Avren | Reply

      Saturday, 29th August 2009 at 10:28 AM
       

      Shyhawk dear, I MUST leave a response here. You have just described yourself exactly the same height and weight as I am. Let me tell you this, you ARE NOT fat. I don’t know about you but I feel I could tone my abs a little etc. etc. but you and I have a very wonderful gift. We are tall. When I lost a lot of weight a year ago I dropped to 160 from 190. People kept saying I was getting too skinny. When I told them my weight they didn’t believe me. When I told them I was 190 they REALLY didn’t believe me! They said, WOW you really carry it well! You are younger than me by ten years, trust me when I say, you’ll thank the Goddess for your tall frame when you gain a few pounds! Your 170 is a 5′5 persons 130. You would look like a third world person if you dropped that low!

       

      • Avren | Reply

        Saturday, 29th August 2009 at 10:32 AM
         

        My computer timed out… any how, Take heart dear, body issues deplete with time. Besides I have gotten more compliments when I’m confident and sure of myself. Personal power is BEAUTIFUL!
        P.s. Soda is BAD for you, not just as a weight thing but it’s bad for your bones and can lead to diabetes. So drink in moderation! With bone structures like ours, we need to keep our bones healthy! LOL! :-)

         

  • Eve (evestwocents.blogspot.com) | Reply

    Thursday, 27th August 2009 at 11:40 AM
     

    I love what L said. It’s all about being healthy, whatever size or shape that ends up being for you. Also, what is it with the lack of pants for women with proportionally large hips? I have the same problem! I love my big hips, but I don’t enjoy trying to find pants that will fit over them without being a foot too long, really baggy everywhere else, or having a belt line so big I could fit my fist between it and my stomach. I really doubt big hips are that uncommon. Aaaah! Stretchy pants rule.

    The nice thing about not having TV in my house (I have a TV for watching DVDs, but it doesn’t pick up any channels at all), is that I don’t have to be quite so bombarded with the media’s ideas about what I should look like. I think that’s been one of the biggest factors in building a positive body image for myself. :)

     

    • Sitara Haye (sitarahaye.com) | Reply

      Friday, 28th August 2009 at 12:21 AM
       

      You know, I agree about the “not having a TV” thing. It *is* much easier when you are not bombarded by your “failure to meet the bar” on a daily basis. Especially when you think about how we trance into an alpha wave state while watching TV, those messages are going directly into a deep groove on the subconscious LP. Not good!

       

  • Thomas Light Stepper | Reply

    Thursday, 27th August 2009 at 12:20 PM
     

    It seams to me that those people who focus on One aspect of the Gods or One feature of the path Have infact stopped walking the path.

    Any person who can preform their daily routine without physical distress is healthy and in accord with nature and where they are on the great wheel.

    Be they Male or Female if they only Love, Adore, Worship and Embody the maiden form thy have arrested their Own development and are denying the deeper understandings of the path.

    For me when a woman is pregnent there is a strong desire to Protect and care for Her.

    When I see a woman breast feeding a child I am struch with Awe and respect;for this is an act that only She can do and a bond with Her child I can never share.

    If for any reason I convince myself that I can not Love and desire the mother form Then I deny the God within me and have stopped walking the path.

    If I should fail of Love and respect of a woman in the Crone phase of her life then I have issues, it showes a fear of my own mortality, a lack of the courage to face life, and a denial of My dedication to the Gods.

    The charges of the Gods To whom I have dedicated myself speak of all their Aspects and their Power to walk the Hevens, the Earth and the Underworld; for I am charged to Meet life in All its aspects with Love, adoreation and courage, and if I live these charges they will give me the Strenght to face the call of My God at the end of this Life.

    This is My understanding of the “Pagan” path I have choosen to walk.

    If I fail of Love, Adoration and Respect for the Goddess or Her embodiement and Life in all their aspects then I have failed In My own growth and miss the essential Beauty of life and cheat myself and My Gods of their Due.
    and to barrow a phrase ” gets down and puts away soapbox” ,

    Merry meet, Merry part and Merry meet again.

     

  • Thomas Light Stepper | Reply

    Thursday, 27th August 2009 at 12:54 PM
     

    By the way I think I have expressed The way I view False Expecations …this Body image thing of the fasion indrestry and culture are a good example of Just how wide spread and Hurtful it can be.

     

  • Millie Fee | Reply

    Thursday, 27th August 2009 at 8:22 PM
     

    I just cannot for the life of me get this fixation that we have on being the perfect vision! Whatever happened to embracing our own skins? Learning to love every single nook, cranny, fold-whatever. I have yet to see anyone look as good as you do in your own skin and truly who ultimately decides on who is beautiful? The answer is staring back at you from your own reflection. Did it ever occur to anyone that our quest in life was not to find the beauty without….but to find and see the true beauty that lies within all of us? For me I’ll be getting a malicious pleasure watching fools waste their money and time chasing an illusion! In the end you can plump pad and lipo-suction yourself down to a single cell–>
    Only to see gravity take over and have it sag in the end! I’ll be the one pointing out all the stretch marks Honey! Peace and Blessings

     

    • Sitara Haye (sitarahaye.com) | Reply

      Thursday, 27th August 2009 at 10:45 PM
       

      Perfection is a serious hold-over from the Patriarchal religions… I’m pretty damn sure of it. When a whole religion is based around the perfection of a being (in this case, Jesus) and then you are simultaneously told that you must emulate him but yet are guilted for not being able to do so, well, you become hyperfocused on perfection as a goal instead of perfecting being a PROCESS. Perfect, perfect, perfect. Millstone, millstone, millstone.

       

  • Winter MoonWolf | Reply

    Friday, 28th August 2009 at 12:55 AM
     

    This is just a reminder to all the ladies, coming from my own perspective as a male, that many men don’t get their cues from the fashion world as to what is attractive to them. I know several women, personally, who considered themselves overweight & unattractive or less attractive as a result. They were very self-conscious. I think of these women in particular, because they were so desirable to me, with all their plumpness & curves, that it really, to be honest, drove me a bit wild. These women wanted to lose weight and I encouraged them not to. I’m sure there are other men like me.

    Nevertheless, two of these women accomplished their stated goals & did lose a great deal of weight. And with every pound that came off, the physical attraction, for me, actually diminished! A third woman had been previously slender, but after an operation removing an ovary, had gained weight & been unable to tone her stomach afterwards. To me, she became infinitely more desirable!

    Am I saying that slender women are less beautiful, or that I am not as a rule attracted to them? Not at all. It is not the size or shape so much as, in a strange way, the person underneath the skin. Something seemed unnatural to me about these women’s figures, after they’d forced themselves to a smaller size. I wasn’t making a rational evaluation….it just meant my own body responded to them differently. Maybe another man would feel differently.

    I also agree with those here who point out the absurdity of attempting to “measure” physical beauty by a set standard. And also with those who decry the emphasis on the physical as some kind of ultimate standard, as opposed to qualities of personality. We do live in a superficial society. So let us resist it, and remember that being “turned on” is first of all a mental process, afterwards filtered through the emotions & into the body. And the biggest aphrodisiac of all is an attractive MIND.

     

  • EileenDalla | Reply

    Friday, 28th August 2009 at 1:59 PM
     

    Back in the day, when I was young, the sex goddesses were Marilyn Monroe, Jane Russell, Sophia Loren… full bodied women with curves and bumps in all the right places. Every young girl who spent her allowance on movie magazines aspired to someday look just like them.
    Then there was me, freckle faced, big feet and skinny. Oh so skinny. If I had been born to this generation everyone would have considered me anorexic, which I was not, just cursed/blessed whichever way you want to look at it, with a fast matabolisim. I burned calories from the inside out.
    Until I hit my forties the only time I could get my weight above 95 pounds was when I was pregnant. Maybe that’s why I had 6 kids. heeheehee
    Anyway my point is that at that time I was just as unhappy with the way I looked as the girls of today who think they are overweight unless they weigh in at my 95 pounds.
    Today I have come full circle, and when I look into the mirror I see an old woman with gray hair and wrikles who is five foot four inches tall (and shrinking, ~smile~), weighing 146 pounds, not fat, but not skinny either, and yes my boobs now lay on my belly, which thank the Goddess is there, otherwise they would be on the floor, and my fanny is slowly disappearing into where ever old woman fannys go, the freckles of my childhood have morphed into the brown of old age spots, and although my brain still thinks it is eighteen, my step isn’t as lively as it used to be, but you know what? I am happy with who I am and what I see. It took me almost a lifetime to realize that what we are on the inside is so much more important than what is seen on the outside. That is where the real you lives and that is the only thing you should work toward bettering. Keep yourself healthy and happy on the inside and the outside will take care of itself.

     

  • Millie Fee | Reply

    Friday, 28th August 2009 at 4:29 PM
     

    Oh! BTW mine is lizardholler@yahoo.com ;~)
    Peace and Blessings!

     

  • Avren | Reply

    Saturday, 29th August 2009 at 10:43 AM
     

    I agree with L about being healthy. Now please believe me when I say that I AM NOT throwing mud here, however I have noticed a growing trend with “muffin tops”. Now it isn’t the girls weight I’m commenting on it’s the showcasing. I am no stick, and I try to wear clothes that fit. I’ve seen many articles in Glamour magazine where they show before and after pics of people tall, short, skinny or heavier women and the heavier girls look AWESOME when they wear the right size and fit for their frame. Why do so many heavy girls wear spandex tops and tight lowrise jeans? That is not empowerment! I certainly don’t want to see them in too big clothes either. Wear good fitting clothes and you’ll not only be more comfortable, you’ll also feel like a million bucks! When your power is shining, no one can tell you that you aren’t the Goddess you are, I don’t ccare if you are 80lbs or 800.

     

    • Sitara Haye (sitarahaye.com) | Reply

      Saturday, 29th August 2009 at 2:28 PM
       

      Muffin tops… you know, there’s a difference between coaching on body image and coaching someone on style and asking yourself “Does this look good?” regardless of the fashion trend. Unless one’s belly is studded with blueberries, I’m not sure where the appeal is in this particular style.

       

      • Avren | Reply

        Sunday, 30th August 2009 at 10:30 PM
         

        Blueberries! LOL! That is funny. I guess the correlation I was trying to make is this, when you feel good in your clothes you often feel good in your skin. I know I do. If you feel good inside out and outside in it glows.

         

  • Millie Fee | Reply

    Saturday, 29th August 2009 at 2:51 PM
     

    In my case I don’t know if it is so much as case of muffin top as Shar Peiism. Wait till you get to the point where you have to pull down your socks just to scratch your butt!!:)

     

  • Colin Bondi (bodhidude.wordpress.com) | Reply

    Sunday, 30th August 2009 at 3:24 PM
     

    You know I used to think I was attracted to a certain body type. I had a problem with my ex-wife’s weight or so I thought. I actually really had a problem with the relationship and her weight was an easy place to project the problems that weren’t getting dealt with. But now I realize that I am not attracted to a particular body type at all, I’m attracted to individual people. I’ve met women lately who would be considered overweight by dysfunctional societal standards whom I found breathtakingly beautiful. The focus on a body type as being somehow ideal is the thing that traps people and limits their perception of what they find attractive. If that could be released we would probably find that it varies a great deal.
    But this happens for men too. I’ve dealt with this issue in that I find many women want a well built man with bulging muscles and I think this is as damaging to men as the ideal for women is. I don’t have time to spend 4 hours a day in the gym lifting weights and bulking up not that I would spend the time that way if I had it. I think we still need to liberate both the Goddess and the God so they are completely free to express themselves in all their uniqueness and variety. Why wait for society, we can do this in our own lives right now….

     

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