6 Comments

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  Michael | Reply

  Monday, 24th August 2009 at 9:15 PM

   

  Wow! Talk about the gods talking through you. Just today I’ve had some real emotional problems come up with family, family that had long ago abandoned their relationships to me due to some twised, pathological lies told by my parents. I had thought my life washed clean of these things, and I couldn’t understand why this would be coming up again. Just as life seemed to be on even ground and swinging up, why would this ugly situation always rear its ugly head. As soon as the phone call ended today, my immediate thought was, I need help. How can I deal with this situation? The first clear immediate thought that came to mind was that I needed to come to this site. I didn’t know how, but I knew that you would have the answer. Your open letter article touched something very deep inside of me and made me see things in a new perspective. Between this article and your Monday Music posting of The Climb, you have been a phenomenal help to me. Today you have been truly been a light in the darkness. Words can’t express my thanks. Blessings and love to you!!! Thank you!

   
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    Sitara Haye (sitarahaye.com) | Reply

    Tuesday, 25th August 2009 at 6:46 PM

     

    Michael, maybe the song was for you, then.

    I wrote that post for Witchvox last year sometime, and genuinely thought they had lost it. There must have been a reason they resurrected it now — I’ve had quite a few emails about it since it went up on Sunday. I hope it gave you some strength and calm center from which to step. Dealing with family is very difficult. They know the best “ins” to touch our most sensitive areas. We have the fewest defenses from family and the greatest potential to be hurt (if the relationship is bad). Likewise, if the relationship is good, we have the greatest capacity to be loved and nurtured.

    I don’t feel I can take much credit for anything but writing and following directions. The timing was all that Higher Power with the Big Picture.

     
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  Thomas Light Stepper | Reply

  Tuesday, 25th August 2009 at 9:16 AM

   

  Blessings and Greetings

  A great Teaching artical Sitara;

  As I see the artical it reminds me of of my own personal battles with myself, the damage I have done to myself and others when I respond to a situation that has caused me pain with the weapons of Fear and Anger.

  in my life I have come to realize that this pain is due to a true blow struck at a personal fault within the fabric of my own self;

  False pride: we have a right to feel pride in our accomplishments, but it becomes false pride when we feel that our accomplishments are better then someone elses.

  False Expectations: we have a right to have expectations for Ourselves , this is good for it makes us grow in our paths, they become false when we apply them to others and expect them to live up to the goals or standards we set for them.

  Self Centeredness; we have a right to reach a place where everything that is flows into, through and then out from us, we err when we fail to percive that others coexist around us, when we can not respect them and there rights to the same.

  These are but a few examples of the things that can cause pain to us when struck true, pain that we must Own, Learn from and accept for these improve us.

  And the Grand lesson is to Learn from these faults, to turn them to true strenghts, to reach that place where we can truly Love ourselves and others with all our faults.

  This is How I percive what you have written and how that which I precive applies to my life.

  I thank you sincerly for shareing this lesson with us; for in the end you remind us that it is also a work that is needing of maintainence.
  Thank you for your wisdom.

  Merry meet and Merry part, Merry meet again.

   
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    Sitara Haye (sitarahaye.com) | Reply

    Tuesday, 25th August 2009 at 6:43 PM

     

    I really like the way you have described False Pride, False Expectations, and Self-Centeredness here as places where normal and healthy growth goes wild and exceeds a boundary that imposes on another’s free will. Many “vices and virtues” lie on the same axis, but at different extremes.

     
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  SadieMoon | Reply

  Thursday, 27th August 2009 at 7:26 PM

   

  I just finished reading this article. It was…well powerful. On some deep core level. It makes one stop and think of all the trials and tribulations of ones life. It’s funny as of late I have been contemplating what it means to be a good person in life. Does one follow the contemporary Christian idea of turning the other cheek when someone wrongs you, and I think society reinforces this as well, or does one have the right to self defense, inflicting hurt where hurt was done to you. I have been mulling all of this over trying to decide where I fit in in the grand scheme of things. Of course this contemplation of the ethics of inner-self started from someone who I thought was a friend and turned out to be not. As I read the article I thought ” Wow…this is not only amazingly insightful but so true in it’s simplicity…how could I have missed this?” Thank you for writing this. It’s amazing how
  something as simple as words can empower us to understand ourselves better or bring us to brinks of destruction. You truly are a blessing.
  Would it be ok with you if I printed this article and kept it in my personal book as a reminder to myself to never miss the lessons learnt in life?

   
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    Sitara Haye (sitarahaye.com) | Reply

    Thursday, 27th August 2009 at 10:42 PM

     

    I would be honored! This is one of the harder lessons I had to learn in life. It involved learning how not to take things personally, how to see others (even in what they believed was righteous indignation) don’t have the answers they think they do either and are still tools of the Divine, and how vengeance twists natural law into something unwholesome and meaninglessly destructive.

    I’ve had my share of being hurt by people I thought were friends. But you know, they believed themselves to be my friend and I am sure they believed me to be their friend. Then we both acted in ways that we expected the other not to act. And then, at least in their case, they couldn’t get over it and oft-times acted in ways they’re probably ashamed of. I regret the things that led to our parting of ways, but I don’t have any regrets about how I conducted myself during the actual conflict and the parting. I’m not the one who acted out and I’m proud of that.

    One thing to keep in mind, though, is that people are always changing. When a relationship is built on a certain dynamic and someone in the relationship changes so much that it disrupts the dynamic, then the person who has not changed is going to wonder who the hell you are and what happened to your friendship. It’s worse if the relationship is codependent (and I’m not just talking about whiney codependent, but also the kind of codependence where one person needs attention, needs control, needs to be admired, needs to be the “worst off”, needs to prove something… all of these are codependent, too). Sadly, most relationships don’t survive one person maturing and the other not unless there is ample communication and NO codependence. When this happens, the failure of the relationship is no one’s “fault”, per se. It’s just time to move on. The resonance is gone. Better to walk away than live your life with your hands over your eyes and pretending to smile at the raucous noise.

    I’m glad you enjoyed the article and I hope you realize that you have all the power to transform any experience, any relationship, any situation just by shifting your perspective. It’s harder than it sounds — our egos really like to hold on to the view that says we’re “right”. But by letting go of that, the Universe opens up and the possibilities spin out as many in number as the threads in a tapestry. Pick your color, pick your path… it’s all beautiful and holds together just fine.

    Thanks for stopping by! I hope you’ll do so often!