Been having some problems lately with my exercise routine.  I have this condition called plantar fasciitis.  It’s incredibly unpleasant.  I wake in the morning and one of the first sensations I get to feel is my feet hitting the floor and an answering shooting pain in my left heel as though I’d impaled my heel on a nail two inches long.  Every morning.

It’s not a fun thing although there is a certain amount of laughter coming from the cheap seats where all the mischievous sprites and demons are chortling at my oft-naked ass limping and cursing while scrambling through the first pee run of the day.  Oh yes, in some Universe, I’m fine entertainment, I’m sure.

So, I’ve finally decided I need to see the doc, double check it’s not a bone spur, and get some anti-inflammatory meds.  I’ve traded walking and aerobics for swimming and yoga for the meantime.  The only problem is, I can’t get hold of my doc.

It’s really not her fault.  She has a fairly serious illness, has had to cut back her office hours to deal with it.  I don’t blame her one bit.  It just makes it difficult for her to meet my needs and hers at the same time.  A friend of mine said that a sick doctor is a bad sign, and normally, I would agree.  There are several lessons I see in this from my standpoint as a teacher of the Craft.

1.  Sick Doctors… Sick Patients. As Craft clergy, we don’t have a standardized seminary in which to train.  There are folks running around out there with degrees from everyone from the Farrars to Mr. Snuffleupagus.  Some of them understand the psychological and spiritual landscape being navigated and are equipped for the job either through their own studies/healing or from active nurturance from another well-prepared priest/ess.  Others couldn’t pass Elementary Playground 101 and are rather proud of their pocket psychology skills with which they diagnose everyone but themselves.  I personally feel it is the duty of a spiritual leader to be ultimately committed to their own healing and growth on all levels — physical, mental, emotional, spiritual.  Sick doctors who can’t take care of themselves risk inadvertently passing on their illnesses to their patients.  It’s a little different with spiritual groups such as covens or study groups, but the risk is still there.  Maybe the same neurosis isn’t shared around, however, the tendency to attract those with similar neurotic/psychotic behavior patterns or the enabling behavior patterns is very, very high.  Too ften, sick leaders attract the very support systems (group members) they need to continue feeding their problems.  This gets the group as a whole (and as individuals) nowhere except stuck in the perpetual swish cycle of group drama and stagnation.

2.  Leaders Need To Practice Extreme Self-Care. This is a hard sell to many serious pagan clergy members.  Pagan clergy is not paid for its time or energy.  Most of us work jobs to keep food on the table and practice our spiritual mentorship in our “off-hours”.  Many of us are parents.  That’s not counting the necessary downtime just to experience life and its wonders, practice hobbies, and so forth.  Very often, self-care is placed on the back burner and the first person to receive an IOU is ourselves.  Spiritual illness is the natural by-product of spiritual neglect, just as physical illness often manifests from lack of attention to our physical bodies.  When I don’t eat right, exercise, get enough sleep, destress, and monitor how I feel, my physical state goes downhill and I become susceptible to illness.  Likewise, when we do not monitor the energy we take in, work our willpower and self-awareness, meditate, practice releasing negativity, and personal renewing studies, our spiritual health cannot maintain itself.  Sometimes that means telling the people in your group that someone else needs to organize the feast or write/perform the ritual.  Sometimes that means delegating the catherding.  And if people are coming up to you saying they worry about you burning out, don’t look at it like it’s a statement of your weakness.  See it as a warning.  ARE you doing too much?  Yep, thought so.  Be sure you renew YOU or you will have nothing else to give to anyone else.

3. We Are All A Little Sick At All Times… If You Know What I Mean. No one is ever going to be perfect.  If you are looking for a group with a perfect leader who never screws up, never loses their temper, never succumbs to the occasional self-pity, then please write me and I will mail you a card that says “SOLITARY WITCH FOR LIFE”.  Part of this path is recognizing the need to grow and to do the work it takes to do so.  If a leader is perfect, then the leader has no growing to do and the leader and the group with therefore stagnate in the glow of the leader’s perfection.  Allow for imperfections in your leaders.  Not only will that prevent you from putting them on a pedestal (a dangerous thing to do), but it will also allow you to witness someone else handling their own struggles.  From watching a leader face personal challenges, you can potentially learn grace, will, determination, humor and many other lessons.  You will also have a chance to share the support that too often goes one way — from leader to group members.  Anytime that caring compassion comes full circle — back to the leader — the group is well on its way to longevity and good health.

These are just a few short observations I made today in the currently unfruitful search for a doctor.  I think I’ll expand each one into its own topic essay/book chapter.  They’re all worth discussion.

Photo by Alice Popkorn (via Flickr).